Emotional much?

Okay, so the school where the dramas go has this little christmas shop thing they do.  You send money with your kid, mark on an envelope how much they are to spend on each person and then they have a shopper who takes them around he room to “purchase” their goods.  Last year they bought us a coffee cup and some rinky dink thing for each other. 

Since I give them each money and take them to a real store to buy for each other, I usually allocate them $2 to spend on each person at the little christmas shop.  That is plenty and the trinket they buy is of course, priceless to me and dad. 

This year, #2 shopped first. She was so excited. She told me that she shopped today and I could see her little gift bags under the tree. 

I think it is important that kids learn to shop and the gift of giving and bla fucking bla.  SO. Imagine my surprise when #3 tells me that #2 bought HERSELF five things.  Stickers, a necklace, two bracelets and a furry pen thing. 

I was pissed.  Three deep breaths later, I called #2 out and asked her what she bought. 

She spent .25 CENTS each on her dad and me and #3, and then spent the other $5.25 on herself.

I kind of lost my composure and told her that her actions amounted to her being a scrooge and selfish and told her that I was really disappointed in her and then I cried. 

I CRIED.  WTF is that about? 

I sent her to bed and then sat on the couch trying to figure out where the hell this was coming from.  Flooded with memories of christmas as a child myself.  Growing up poor, I don’t remember ever having much for christmas and I recall one year when our christmas feast was boiled hot dogs on sliced bread.  mm mm good. But I did learn the gift of giving and to this day, I am more satisfied and would much rather give than recieve. (except sex. I’m totally on the receiving end of that for way longer than is probably fair.)

Finally I went into her room and told her that I wasn’t mad, but dissapointed and tried to explain why I was disappointed.  That was really fucking hard since I cannot quite figure it out myself. I mean, she did buy everyone something.  And it is never about how much you spend on a gift, which I have said for years and reiterated tonight.  It is and should always be the thought that counts, but I said her actions made me (and #2) think that the only thing she was thinking about was herself.  I tried to gleen from her why she thought she needed to buy herself presents when the Jolly Red Fat Guy is coming in 13 days and all she could say was that she wanted them.  She finally seemed to understand where I was coming from but I’m not sure she really gets it becuase I don’t really get it. 

I keep telling myself that her actions were semi normal.  I remember once, when I was around nine, before I was kidnapped and my mom would leave us alone to get ready for school oursleves, my mom left me some of her tip money to go buy My little sister lunch at Huber’s Market (becuase she went to a school for ADHD and hyper kids and she had to take a lunch everyday).  Anyway, I bought her an apple and a juice and I spent the other money on a soda for me and some ding dongs and when my mom found out She. Was. Pissed. I think I got a right good ass beating that day.  So, I’m not sure if my emotions tonight are the sole product of #3's actions and my desire to raise children who are not selfish fuckups who only think of themselves, or my own emotional baggage that I cannot seem to unload.  All I know is that it is bothering me. Still.  Three hours later.