I wanna post but I don’t care about grammar or sentence structure so there

I have a couple things to post about but I can’t because I am retarded and cannot figure out how to make my private post thing work.  However, if I COULD have posted about these things it would have looked something like this but with far more detail;

I had lunch today with two people and one of them is in constant need of validation.  She is not old enough to go to a bar yet, but she is older than the legal age to vote - and yet - she cannot do her own hair.  I don’t fucking get it.  Anyway, I cannot really get into detail here but it went something like, you don’t like my hair.  why are you staring at my hair.  does it look fine or good? on a scale of 1 to 10, what is it?  will it look okay for dinner tonight?  does it look as good as it does when you do it for me? if it looks fine why do you keep looking at it?  are you sure it looks good?  is it good or fine…

All through lunch it went on like this.  I sat there, watching the exchange between mother and daughter and I thought to myself, thank god my kids aren’t like this.  They are confident with their own skills and abilities. Hell, they won’t even let me do their hair for school anymore. And they are only 10 and 8.  anyway, it is draining sometimes. 

So Then:

We had a discussion about losing one’s virginity.  I was ancient by today’s standards when I lost mine (22 and 9 months old). My second youngest sister was like, 13.  My other sister lost hers on prom night, senior year.  she also got knocked up the same night.  My friend who is old enough to vote but not old enough to go to a bar officially became a woman a couple weeks ago.  and she PLANNED it. I mean seriously, notes, lists, music, date planned it.  which I find foreign really.  I mean, I had ideas in my head as to how it would be and I never dreamed that when it was done and over with the first time I would say “that’s it?  Do it again.”  And I really never dreamed that as I drove home that day to shower and pick the grass and weeds out of my ass crack that I would be thinking things like “I can’t believe I waited for that.”

WTF

The range of eight inches long.

The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes.

Is usually found hung, dangling ready loosely for instant action.

It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and small hole at the other.

In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements.

Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements.

When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, white sticky substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some of from its long glistening shaft.

After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready yet for another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less. 

What am I?

As you may have already guessed, the answer to the riddle is none other than your very own…

Show me the love

One night I was feeling bored and thought to myself that what I needed was a good spanking.  The Man was fast asleep so he would be of no help.  I read I will fucking tear you apart and they had recently announced that the vacation was over and they were starting up again so I thought what the hell.  I was spanked by the Bitches back in the day so I am not new to the idea of putting it out there and asking for whatever I might get.  I submitted my site. 

Nutjobber, well, I like him.  If I went all Sally Fields and said “he liked me. He really liked me,” well, that would be a big fat hairy lie.  But, he didn’t hate me, and that is good enough for me.

Suckered Doggy Style

The Countdown is On

I don’t have time.  Not enough time in the day.  Not enough time to get done what I need to get done. 

I need to mail something to someone. 

I need to find a way to order and then deliver something for someone else. (why would a company have a product and a website, but not the ability to order and/or deliver from said website? makes no sense to me)

I need to get the dramas’ christmas picture taken so I can order cards and then send out said cards.

I need to send cards to my internet pals like you and you and even you.

10 has a christmas program on Friday AND Saturday this week.  8 is going to the Friday performance and then to a christmas party on Saturday.  The man is going to his work party on Friday (becuase they’re giving a bonus this year and you must be present to win) and he will attend the program on Saturday. I am going to her program on both days.  No grown up date/party for me Friday night.  *pouts*

I need to finish christmas shopping.  So far I have two gifts.  13 days people. THIRTEEN!  *picture PeeWee running away, screaming with hands flapping about cuz that would be me*

I need to sit down and pay some bills and draft a new budget for the first of the year because by god we’re sticking to it. Period. I want to pay off my credit cards and destroy them.  I cannot do that with a balance.

I need to study in case I have to retake that godforsakin test again in February.

I need to start obsessing and stressing over the fact that I am taking an entire week’s vacation in January and I AM GOING ON A CRUISE!  (remind me to tell you the story on this one)

I need to go to MIL’s house and learn to make my new favorite christmas cookie.  My favorite christmas cookie that I don’t even know the name of.  I suck.

Finally, I need to thank you all for the kind words last week. They really helped.  So, THANK YOU.

It’s monday

This is my list of stuff I wanted to get done this weekend. I have crossed off what I actually accomplished.  Apparently, I need to work on my priorities. 

• Grocery shopping


• Meat shopping (I do these at different stores)


• Sweep floors


• Mop floors


• Do laundry


• Folding/putting away laundry


• Clean 7?s room


• Bring really expensive quilt holder back in the house so I can start using it again


• Find Tae Bow video


• Buy workout mat (so I don?t kill myself on the tile floor)


• Clean out car and vacuum it


• Buy Halloween candy before it is all gone again (last year, I had to go to three different stores and it was the third week in October.  Fucking early bird planning bastard neighbors.)


• take dramas to see Game Plan (the new Disney flick)


• Dust and spray down furniture (Fabreeze Allergy baby)


• Vacuum bedrooms and wash all bedding


• Spray off patio so we could watch a movie out there this weekend absent spiders/crickets/scorpions


• Paint drama?s fingers/toes with Halloween colors and designs


• Make cinnamon rolls


• Get head start on billing report so I can finalize Monday


• Begin drafting numerous Expert Witness Disclosures that are all due Monday (which I couldn?t do before because I got the final expert report and three witness? info on Friday)


• watch 1408


• watch The Illusionist


• watch We are Marshall


• watch Zodiac

What I cannot figure out is why am I so tired?

 

Things that must go

Over this past week, I did a lot of back to school shopping and grocery shopping, errand running, etc.  During that time, I came across a slew of things I have decided must go.  They must be banished from the face of the earth, lest we all suffer needlessly.  I might do a weekly list of these things.  Perhaps if we are all onboard, we can make these irritations disappear.  If not, well, I?ll feel better after bitching about them.

• Lipstick the same color as your face.


• Face piercing.  Now, don?t get me wrong.  A nose piercing or even the eye brow piercing is not as offensive to me as the guy I saw whose entire fucking face was pierced.  He had a run of piercings down the bridge of his nose, both eye brows had at least four piercings each. One in his lip, and one in his chin. I wanted to run a shoe lace around the various piercings and make his whole face disappear.  There is a thin line between exerting your independence and refusal to conform to society?s norm and becoming a freak of nature.  He was the latter.


• Screaming kids in grocery stores.  Really, if you can?t control them, leave them at home.  That is how mine learned.  It only took a few times of leaving with 7 and she finally caught on that I was not playing around.  The world would be a better place if kids learned some rules, respect and discipline and if parents would learn to be the parent. Just sayin.


• School supplies.  They have seriously become out of control.  7?s list had things like shaving cream, paper towels, Kleenex, Purell, and red pencils.  10?s list had 5 spiral notebooks, 2 reams of copy paper, 2 packs of index cards and a whole mess of other things like dry eraser markers and cleaner and hand cleaner.  I don?t mind helping out, but sometimes I feel like I am supplying the entire 2nd and 5th grades.  I know that schools are under funded.  I know that many times, teachers spend their own money to buy extra supplies.  I get that part.  I?m just bitching because the list gets bigger every year and the older they get, the more expensive their stuff is becoming.


• School districts that wait until four days INTO THE NEW YEAR, after we?ve done the back to school shopping and got the new underwear (more about that later) and socks and shoes and uniforms to DROP THE UNIFORM REQUIREMENT!  Oh yes.  They waited until yesterday to send a note home saying that they were dropping the requirement and the dramas could wear whatever they wanted to.  Now, I get to fight with JC Penny to return the uniforms I just bought, and go buy them school clothes.


• New cars that are not being equipped with turn signals.  I don?t know why the manufacturers would be so selfish as to cut the nominal cost of a turn signal to save a buck, but I can only assume that is what is going on due to the vast number of new vehicles on our freeway systems, all sporting temporary paper license plates, and weaving in and out of lanes of traffic with nary a signal to be seen.  And the drivers seem to look at me like I have three heads when I honk and yell that ?A FUCKING SIGNAL WOULD BE NICE!?


• Work. I?m done with it.  I need to become, somehow, independently wealthy.  If you figure that one out, let me know okay? Thanks.

Not a damn thing

All week long I’ve been so tired and dragging ass.  Now tonight, I can’t sleep.

Sunday I drove the dramas to Bakersfield.  Seventeen hours round trip.  In the car.  Thank god for Dr. Pepper, Red Vines, and satellite radio. 

They’ll be gone two weeks.  It is their last vacation before school starts next month.  My sister and her husband got a time share by the beach.  They are going to the ocean and on a Ferry ride and a bunch of other California crap. 

I miss them horribly.  You don’t realize how much you miss them until they are gone for a day or two.  In my case, this is day 4 of 14.  The house is quiet.  It is still clean.  *laughs*  The boy keeps going to their bedroom door and looking for them. He is the only dog who seems to notice and/or care that they aren’t here. 

I was talking to them on the phone tonight and I told 7 that I miss her.  She said “welcome to my world mom.”

I read my whole blogroll tonight and even commented on a few.  I haven’t done that in a while. 

I suck at blogging anymore.  I rarely post on a regular basis and I hardly ever comment. 

Maybe I’m just a whiner.  That could be it too. 

I have to write a personal statement, saying (in under three pages) why I want to go to law school, why I should be accepted to law school, and most importantly, what makes me the better candidate.  I can write here about my life and put it out there and I don’t give it two thoughts.  I am having serious blockage on this personal statement. I feel like I’m in an interview and they just asked me to tell them about myself.  I hate that.  I always freeze.  I don’t like to talk about myself unless it is some embarrassing story or a rant that I need to get out.  I don’t like to put on the happy face and say “Well, (big smile here), I’m a libra (nods head) and my hobbies include kicking homeless people and gang bangs.  Oh, and baking cookies!  *gush* I love oatmeal.”

No more bloggers block. Thanks to ya’ll. Part 1

Finn said ?You’re getting a all-expense-paid trip to your favorite city. Where are you going and what are you doing. And WHO are you doing??

Oh girl!  I am going to Vegas.  Not because it is my favorite, but because what happens in Vegas, say it with me, ?Stays in Vegas.?  Oh yes.  *nods head* and that is where I would want all of these gory details to stay. 

Auntie Monica and I would go to a few of the higher class strip clubs (oh, you would too). We?d get lap dances (because I don?t care who you are, they are erotic).  Erotic to watch and erotic to experience.  Erotic to have a beautiful woman, who you have no ties to, you owe nothing (except twenty bucks) and don’t have to look in the eye tomorrow… hovering over you, not touching you, but, close enough that you can feel her breath on your skin, and you get goose bumps and you feel her hair brush against your arm as she slowly moves down your body, not touching you, but bringing all of your nerve endings to life, breathing on you and hovering over you and you can smell her and hear your own heart beat loud in your ears, and you’re feeling the electricity between your bodies?

(right up to the point when you see your husband staring at you, with a glazed over look like all his dreams are about to come true, and then you snap back to reality that you are getting a lap dance from a really hot chick, and you?re not drunk, and you?re never going to live down the questions). 

Then after that we would hit a dance club, where, miraculously, the hottest men in America are waiting for US.  Yes, the entire cast of Oceans 12, Captain Jack AND Will Turner (dressed in black, he must be dressed in black!).  Where these beautiful specimens were all waiting for us! I don?t think I need to tell you the rest of this story. Use your imagination.  But remember this:  ?drinks start flowin, and my speech starts slurrin, everybody starts looking real good.?

Good night

Dust is my main allergen.  Pollen is my second worst allergen. Every fucking farm within 20 miles of me is plowing, planting, pollinating or otherwise fucking up my ability to breathe. 

Thus, I woke up with a raging headache. Not quite a migraine.  But it is getting there. 

Today I have taken Claritin, five Sudafed, two Midol, and two Excedrin Migraine.  Then I slammed a coke (thinking I needed caffeine) and ate a chocolate chip cookie (because chocolate cures all).  None of that worked.

I fired the receptionist when I got here this morning.  I do not miss her. 

I had eleven interviews scheduled today.  All but two showed up.  I have two more schedules for Monday morning. 

I am going home and going to bed. 

Have a good weekend.

a pity party for me

I woke up late this morning. Which wouldn't be the end of the world but I wasn't just a little late.  It was eightfuckingforty!  I'm supposed to be to work at NINE and it takes an HOUR to drive.  So, I rush to do all the shit I need to do in the morning, feed the dogs, water the dogs, give the old dog her meds, wake the dramas, nag them to hurry and get dressed and hurry and get the stuff you're taking to MIL's house and hurry hurry hurry. 

Then 7 (Drama2) says to me, while we're in the bathroom doing our hair, 'MIL says that our house is dirty.'  I said 'Oh.'  Then she said "MIL says that my house will be clean and 10's (Drama2) house will be dirty because she is just like you and when you and dad separate, your house will be dirty and dad's house will be clean so I should live with him." 

blink * blink * blink