As I drove to work today my mind wandered away from me for a bit. I heard a news story about a family who was adopting a special needs three year old boy from China.
I want to adopt a special needs boy. I don't care what country he is from.
I started to analyze my sudden (or not so sudden) desire to adopt a special needs boy. I have two beautiful daughters aged 8 and 5 and a 13 year old step daughter whom I love as my own. They are a very independent group. Why my need to have a special needs boy? Where did these thoughts come from? Am I jealous? No. Do I just want a boy? No. Is there any rational to this thinking? Not really.
Only upon emailing my best friend with my thoughts did the reasoning become clear. My desire is a totally selfish one. I'm not getting any younger while my kids continue to get older. They will eventually grow up and leave home to start their own lives and families. My 5 year old starts kindergarten this year. She is getting so big and independent. A special needs child will always need me. That has a certain appeal, I think - from a mothers point of view. I've not discussed this with my husband. I guess I should, at the very least, clue him in. Hmm.
