I’m really cranky right now.
Partly because I have a left over migraine from yesterday.
Partly because I’m stressed from work.
Partly because the holidays are coming and I’m not thrilled about that just yet.
Mostly though, because my sister is a big fucking twat.
Those of you who’ve been reading me since before my name change may remember my sister the crackwhore (as we affectionately refer to her), who used my identity to get arrested for prostitution, possession and paraphernalia. Not once, but FIVE times. She caused me a lot of pain and anguish and, quite frankly, embarrassment that continues to crop up even today, four years later.
I almost lost my foster care license when she was arrested the last time and I had to go get finger printed and write out a whole statement about how it wasn’t me. I had to go to court to appear and get the judge to actually change the charges into her name, from mine, but learned that day that I will always be an alias of hers and if I ever get into trouble and they run my name, she will show up as an alias of mine. AS IF! Last year I was denied a tax credit as a student because of my FELONY CONVICTION that she gave me for my birthday. Most recently, my boss told me that I’ll have to disclose the arrests and final disposition when I make my formal application to law school and there is a very good chance that I’ll be denied entry if I don’t have good proof that IT WASN’T ME! Finally, I learned that it will cost between $50 and $500 to expunge MY ARREST RECORD to have my name cleared. People, I’ve never been arrested, questioned, handcuffed (well, except for that one time with that one guy....)
Moving on...
Imagine how hard it was for me to take the high road tonight when she called to bitch about how my mom has ruined her life and the life of our youngest sister.
My mom and her husband had a gas bill in my youngest sisters name at sometime during the past five years (Apparently, and this isn’t the first time this has happened either, my parents had their gas shut off and rather than pay that bill, they had it turned back on in one of us kids’ names. I personally paid over $2,000 to various gas, lights, water, cable, newspaper and milk delivery bills when I turned 21. All of which were in my name, unknown to me of course.
Crackwhore is pissed and had the nerve to call my mom and bitch her out for ruining our youngest sisters credit. She demanded that my mom take steps to fix this problem so little sis can get gas in her own name (because her live-in-boyfriend has a bill and won’t pay it). Crackwhore called the gas company, posed as my little sis (she is good at posing), found out that since little sis was a minor when the bill was incurred, the only way to dispute it is to call the police and make a report. Of course, she called my mom and told her all of this then proceeded to bitch about how because of this, my mom is ruining the holidays for her and she just doesn’t know what to do.
Of course my mother and her husband should fix the problem. They should pay their fucking bills. They should stop using the people around them, including their children. They should grow the fuck up. However, they are adults and make their own choices. We all do. Someday it will all catch up to them.
In the meantime, it was so hard for me NOT to remind her of the little story about the pot calling the kettle black. Instead, I told her it wasn’t her business and to stay out of it. Then she had the nerve to ask me to call my mom or at least tell her how to handle the situation. I told her I wasn’t doing shit. Not my place and not my business. If it weren’t for my dysfunctional self inflicted brain fart idea that somehow I NEED TO SAVE THE WHOLE DAMNED WORLD AND MAINTAIN THE PEACE IN THE FAMILY AND PLAY THE MEDIATOR ALL THE TIME I’d wash my hands of the whole fucking lot of them.
I swear to God I was switched at birth and somewhere, some place, my real family is looking for me.
I think we're your real family out here in Blogland. It's amazing that you can deal with all that family shit and still get up and go to work and do all the rest. Makes my family look like Leave It To Beaver stuff. Altho my daughter did bounce a ceramic bowl off my son's head last night--after he doused her from head to toe with apple juice. As Jimmy Stewart says to Donna Reed in "It's a Wonderful Life", "Who's idea was it to have all these kids anyway?"
ReplyDeleteWell, looks like your sister learned her way of behavior from your mom. That sucks. If it were me, I'd write them all off and keep my kids WAY clear of them all. They say blood is thicker than water, but I think that's bullshit. If you allow your family room to make whatever choices they desire, shouldn't you allow yourself the same?
ReplyDeleteMan, that would make me want to change my name and go into hiding.Sorry your sister is such a twat. Sounds like my husband's dysfunctional family.
ReplyDeleteEvery family needs a crackwhore, right? I feel ya.Is that what you call it? A brain fart idea? I wonder if i'm afflicted with that as well.....as for washing your hands of the whole lot of them.....you should try it. It's very liberating, let me tell ya!
ReplyDeleteDaaang, that's kinda rough all the way around. I agree your parents should grow up but the nerve of the crackwhore? Daaaang.So...uh, what name do I put you under in my sidebar??You finally put down the right link so you'll be seeing me more often ;)
ReplyDeleteKeb, just got back from a Thanksgiving dinner for the girls in our adolescent treatment facility. The two at my table, both 16-year-olds, had families not unlike yours. They were trying to hold it all together (oldest siblings) and finally melted down from the stress and wound up in the psyche ward and then to our facility (24/7 lockdown, intensive m.h. and drug/alcohol treatment). I wish you could have been there to talk to them. They need role models like you so badly. These girls are gonna be out of treatment soon and on their own in the big bad world with very few resources. It kills me to see it. The problem with the whole treatment/therapy model is that,once they pass certain benchmarks, they're out on their own, the treatment facility rug completely pulled out from under them. No job, no stable living environment, maybe no more therapy, and way too soon some guy will come along and take advantage of them. Is there any way you could blog a message to kids like this some time, so I could pass along whatever it is you might be able to tell them about coping once they get out? They are just so vulnerable and it seems like no one gives a shit.--Dan Cook, Portland
ReplyDeleteDan, when I was doing foster care, I had the same problem. The kids did good for so long and then boom, out they went. No more therapy, no more rules, no more guidance, structure, help, advice, etc. It broke my heart each and every time. I got so frustrated, and still do. I had a foster kid who was set to go home in three days. His mom was a recovering addict and the State deemed her ready to have her kids back. My foster kid walked over to the grocery store to buy some deodorant and hair goo and stole it instead. He had the money to pay. He walked around until the security found him. Then they called me. He said he knew we would be disappointed but he was afraid if he went back home his mom would relapse due to pressure. His caseworker understood why he stole, thinking he would stay in our house longer. Wrong. They knew he was a good kid and sent him home anyway. His mom relapsed. He moved in with his girlfriend's parents and finally graduated high school. The last I heard he was married now. The end result with each of my kids was the same: they did what they were supposed to do and the system continually let them down. I can't tell you how many times we asked, begged, for independent living classes or basic how to balance a checkbook and make a budget classes for these kids. They never got it. Instead, they were told to do their homework, pay attention in school, change the way they dress. They weren’t taught basic life skills. Most of my kids had more common and street sense than most adults I know. They worked hard, got their shit together, learned to cope with life through the help of a very structured system of people and then they woke up one day and it was all gone. Very disappointing. I would write anything to help these kids. The sad part is that even I am jaded. I learned growing up and it was driven home while doing foster care that personal responsibility is the key. However, that is very hard to teach kids who have grown up learning to blame and point fingers and becoming jaded themselves, often times thinking they can trust no one, including their parents, and at the same time, just wanting someone to take care of them. The whole thing makes me sad.
ReplyDeleteYeah, but maybe if your words inspired one of these kids, it would sure be worth it. Level with them, tell them what it's gonna be like. Let's at least try it, OK? this one girl I talked to tonite is just primed for the kill when she gets out there.I have another guy I'm sort of mentoring. He graduated two years ago at age 17 from our adolescent sex offender treatment program. He did great and is grateful to his therapists. The kid vowed to give back to the community by speaking out in favor of treatment for children and also about the danger from within families from pissed off kids like himself. He's made good on his promise--but his family is coming down on him like a ton of bricks. He was on the news tonite with a segment he did about why sex offender registration doesn't make the community safer. His evil stepmom immediately called his dad to raise hell--even though he didn't use his real name. He called me in a panic; he doesn't want to spend another holiday alone. I said, What can I tell you? The family is NEVER gonna be OK with your speaking out. I said, if yer gonna continue to do this, you have to give them up. It is so hard because he's made this commitment to speak out, but he's still just a kid who wants his mom and dad at Thanksgiving. I really don't know what to tell him any more. But I am so mad at his parents!
ReplyDeletebut anyway I disagree with the people who say you should just cut your family off. If they cut YOU off, then fine. My wife got sick of doing all the work with her asshole alcoholic father and finally stopped calling him. that was 20 years ago. He's never called. But if he did, she'd talk to him. I don't know, with family, it seems like you at least have to listen if they want to talk. You don't have to engage and try to solve their problems. I think you're doing what has to be done. We don't choose our families but for some reason we GET them.
ReplyDeleteWe took in my mom's best friend's daughter in high school. Her mom and dad were both alcoholics and neither wanted her. By the time we got her the damage was done and she resented the hell out of us. She eventually moved out and we didnt see her for 5 years. She went through a lot of really bad things- but eventually found her way- she got into recovery, got clean, met a guy, got married and I was her maid of honor.Sometimes they come around, some like her mother never do- her power was in my parents name, which they did as a favor to her when she and her daughter moved to Atl with nothing after the divorce, so once paying it was no longer convienent for her anymore, she jsut stopped paying it.You cant fix everyone- sometimes you just have to let them go and hope that they can get themselves together and maybe one day realize that they hurt you.
ReplyDeleteUrrrrrgh! I feel for you. My family is just basically dysfunctional, but it's still HARD to deal with. My therapists best advice? Don't answer the phone. And if they keep calling...TURN OFF THE RINGER.
ReplyDelete