Sometimes I wonder if I’m really a good mom. I mean, I know I’m a good mom because I take care of my kids, I love them with all I’ve got and then some and I would sacrifice anything to provide for them. I feed and clothe them and as much as they need to be beat sometimes, I restrain. I even let them have potato chips for breakfast because some days, its all about picking your battles. Even when they say stuff like “you have a wiggly butt” (the 8 (Drama#2) year old – recently no less) and “I don’t hate you mom. You’re not an Aah-hole” (from the sweet, tender lips of a two year old (Drama#3) at bed time. Many years ago.)
However, sometimes I can feel them irritating every single stinkin’ nerve I’ve got, and the mere sound of their voices make me want to lock myself in the bathroom and never come out. These are the times I question myself. I wonder if other moms go through this too. If other moms play the guilt game with themselves. If they feel guilty because they get to spend only hours with the kids on the weeknights juggling homework, dinner, baths, play time, reading time, TV time and cleanup/bedtime and then on the weekends just wish the kids would spend the night somewhere and give them a few hours peace and quiet.
This was my weekend. Loving them to death but wishing they were not home. Wishing I could just go for a drive and not come home until I felt like it. Or go to the park to read without worrying when I have to leave so dinner will be done on time. But when I see those angelic little faces and I say “good morning girls, time to wake up” and then they track me down to get the good morning hug and “did you have good sleeps” question, it's all worth it to me.
I'm not a mum, but I am in the fortunate position of having been a full-time Dad for the last few months.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, there are times when you want (and need) to lock yourself away. With a 2 year-old, particularly, the demands for attention are absolutely insatiable. the older kids you can just entrance with the TV, and they'll pretty much be OK for a couple of hours... a two year-old is not quite so independent, yet.
To want some time to yourself is completely and utterly normal and, in my highly untrained opinion, not in any way wrong.
I don't know you, but it sounds to me like you're doing a fine job.
Couple of questions for the new-comer here;
ReplyDelete1. How old were you when you had your first child?
2. How many children do you have?
3. How close in age are they?
mg
here via Michele's today~ but I totally identify with your blues here today.
I was, hmm, thinking, thinking, 29 for the first, and 31 for the second. I am also the oldest of 7 children, my youngest sister being 21 years younger than me!
ReplyDeleteI have three, 13(step), 8 and 5 (all girls)
So, you were raising kids (including your sister) for the majority of your adult life~ no wonder you have thoughts of "driving off into the sunset" even if it is only for a little while.
ReplyDeleteI empathize, I wanted to run away from home for a long time (until about 3 years ago when I moved out)
mg
Thanks for visiting my site.
ReplyDeleteI did run away from home for a few hours when my daughter was 13. Had her when I was 33 so we did the menopause/puberty clash together. Not pretty. She is 19 now and all better. When I ran away for three hours, she got scared, set the house alarm and couldn't open any doors because she forgot the code to cut it off. She called her Science teacher, who happened to be wife of the local DA,(no I didn't get in trouble). I talked to Misty later (she has three also) and she told me to tell her the next time I decided to run away....so she could go with me.